If you just set out to be liked, you would be prepared to compromise on anything at any time, and you would achieve nothing. - Margaret Thatcher
Not to be a broken record. But I have the most amazing people in my life.
It was an oddly restful weekend. I got to enjoy my beloved niece and nephew for the better part of Saturday before setting off on a scotch hunting Portland excursion with two of the most dapper gentlemen you'll meet.
I am continually blessed by the soft-spoken and kind woman with a core of adamantium that is my wife. I'm glad that her and her girlfriends had a relaxing getaway weekend in Sunriver, but I am glad she's home.
Throughout this weekend, I have had some good time to process my inner world. I had some good journal time today which helped me make some sense of the larger currents that are shifting inside me. I know I have more to say than just what's below, but I want to let some thoughts simmer and reduce down to the essentials before writing much more.
A question to process however, this week for those who are interested. What compromises have you made that are no longer serving you?
When problems in life arise, they act like a warning light on a car dashboard. Blinking, irritating, gnawing at your peace of mind until you finally fix it. As soon as you take that to a mechanic, address the issue and reset the light, it falls into an "out of sight, out of mind" mode. Unlike automobiles however, life sometimes calls for the best solutions that we have available at the moment which often are far from ideal long term.
The ability to compromise is one of the best tools that a mature adult has at their disposal for resolving conflicts and relational issues. But, sometimes those compromises that have become "out of sight, and out of mind", need to be readdressed. Perhaps you are abiding by some that no longer serve any reasonable purpose for you now. You've outgrown the solution in a sense. I have become aware recently, that perhaps some of the compromises I have made in the past, need to be revisited.
Let's get practical. Have you made a tacit agreement with your brother-in-law to never talk about a sensitive subject which has been known to cause fights or sensitivity in the past? Have you decided to never talk about how proud you are of the weight you have lost through hard-work because members of your family have shown hostility, feeling that your accomplishments paint them in a bad or lazy light? Does actively pursuing a better standard of living, or better parenting techniques, or any kind of self-improvement make people in your life feel insecure? Of course these kinds of things happen to us.
What compromises have you made, in terms of living the way you want to live, saying the things you want to say, and carrying yourself the way you want to carry yourself because people who are legitimately important to you have taken offense? I think it's good every so often, to stop and re-examine past "fixes" and make sure we are doing the best we can by ourselves to foster genuine expression and genuine living. Otherwise, unbeknownst to us, our energies are being slowly sapped, and our peace of mind is being eroded by little warning lights, flashing once again.
Hope everyone has a great week,
Peace and much success.
State of Mind
Sunday, September 16, 2012
Sunday, September 9, 2012
Generally Speaking...
It has been two weeks since my last post, and for that I apologize. I am flattered by the emails I have gotten from friends reminding me of my 1 blog a week promise and all the nice feedback I have received in between. I suppose I am following my own advice about balance. Sarah and I had a wonderful time camping last weekend and I unfortunately don't tend to have a whole lot of time during the week to write or have creative white space.
That being said, I am almost feeling the need to just re-cap these last couple weeks for myself. I have to say that this last month in general has been characterized by deepening relationships of a surprising nature. I feel like I have found some new connections within others such as new common interests, new ways of sharing world views, and personal philosophies.You know, the dreams NT stuff is made of. Never have I felt so blessed to count so many as good friends with whom I can commune.
At work, it has kind of been a whirlwind month in a sense, (August that is). We have had 4 new employees hired on, not to mention the ones that didn't make it. In a company that optimally runs at about 10-12 employees, that's a huge turnover number. Last month was our biggest hurrah of the summer as well. Many, many days I would have to slide into the shop an hour or two after quitting time simply because of work load or traffic or what have you. In all, there is still a present and deepening mutual respect between myself and my employers, and the challenges have not been without their moments of enjoyment.
In the last two weeks, I have read Titan, The Biography of John D. Rockefeller (1839-1937), an excellent reading experience indeed. Rockefeller's life was such a fascinating mix of cutthroat businessman and altruistic philanthropist. A couple highlights include his huge donation to a college in Atlanta for African-American women in 1884, as well as donating money to a black man so he could purchase his wife's freedom from slavery. His business exploits are nothing short of amazing. Chevron, exxon, mobil, and ammaco are just a couple of the remaining oil companies that were mere fragments of the single monolithic oil empire which the Sherman Antitrust Law of 1890 forced him to dissolve. Monster or Saint, I thoroughly enjoyed getting a better glimpse of some of the bloody business battles that were fought in the formation of the industrialized America we know today.
I suppose that's it for now. My desired state is to remain as centered as I possibly can. I feel like I have had a very rich handful of weeks which has only served to increase the gyroscopic forces at work to keep me spinning on my axis and for that, I am grateful.
That being said, I am almost feeling the need to just re-cap these last couple weeks for myself. I have to say that this last month in general has been characterized by deepening relationships of a surprising nature. I feel like I have found some new connections within others such as new common interests, new ways of sharing world views, and personal philosophies.You know, the dreams NT stuff is made of. Never have I felt so blessed to count so many as good friends with whom I can commune.
At work, it has kind of been a whirlwind month in a sense, (August that is). We have had 4 new employees hired on, not to mention the ones that didn't make it. In a company that optimally runs at about 10-12 employees, that's a huge turnover number. Last month was our biggest hurrah of the summer as well. Many, many days I would have to slide into the shop an hour or two after quitting time simply because of work load or traffic or what have you. In all, there is still a present and deepening mutual respect between myself and my employers, and the challenges have not been without their moments of enjoyment.
In the last two weeks, I have read Titan, The Biography of John D. Rockefeller (1839-1937), an excellent reading experience indeed. Rockefeller's life was such a fascinating mix of cutthroat businessman and altruistic philanthropist. A couple highlights include his huge donation to a college in Atlanta for African-American women in 1884, as well as donating money to a black man so he could purchase his wife's freedom from slavery. His business exploits are nothing short of amazing. Chevron, exxon, mobil, and ammaco are just a couple of the remaining oil companies that were mere fragments of the single monolithic oil empire which the Sherman Antitrust Law of 1890 forced him to dissolve. Monster or Saint, I thoroughly enjoyed getting a better glimpse of some of the bloody business battles that were fought in the formation of the industrialized America we know today.
I suppose that's it for now. My desired state is to remain as centered as I possibly can. I feel like I have had a very rich handful of weeks which has only served to increase the gyroscopic forces at work to keep me spinning on my axis and for that, I am grateful.
Monday, August 27, 2012
Thoughts on impending fatherhood.
A little girl! I can't begin to express how blessed I feel and it's not even January yet. For awhile I was pretty convinced that I wanted my first child to be a boy, and yet in the middle of the ultrasound, as we are counting heart valves and checking for vital organs, something truer in me was praying for a different outcome. More than ever, I am enchanted by the woman I married and I doubt that this stage in my life could feel anymore "right".
I often get asked if I am scared about becoming a father. I suppose that's quite a natural response for young men, (and of course young ladies) when preparing for your first child. I am sure of a few things, my excitement, for one. I am sure of my sense of hope and wonder. I feel almost filled with a renewed sense of purpose for my family and our dreams. All good things. In one sense, I feel that raising my own child will be a bit of a healing process for me. Like many young men, I didn't have the best relationship with my father growing up.
To be fair, there wasn't much relationship to speak of at all. My parents got divorced when I was about five years old. I really haven't seen my father since. Due to a lot of events going on in the life of my family at that time, my parents went their separate ways and I was raised entirely by my mother and two older sisters. I have but just a few memories of him from the perspective of a boy no taller than a dining room table.
As an adult, and being aware of the man that I am, I certainly realize the blessings we can be handed in the middle of negative spaces. I know now, that my development has been a unique one. I have always felt the need to wade into the fray, and get my hands dirty, and bite off more than I can chew to learn life's lessons. My individualism has driven me to get in over my head, run with the wrong crowds, and date the wrong women on a number of occasions, and I am frankly thankful for the lack of safety net that a father can so lovingly provide. But that is just me. I imagine it's not a boone to a all men.
At times I think the thing I miss the most, (miss in this context being a bit of a misnomer, it is difficult to miss something you have not experienced) about not having a father is having a benchmark. You try with all your might to, "be just like dad" and a day comes when you can finally wrestle him to the ground. When you start being self-sufficient and applying all the things he has attempted to pass on. When your career takes off and you surpass him in higher ed. And regardless of how low or lofty the benchmark he sets, it's your standard, set naturally, by your father, and once you've surpassed him, you feel like you've arrived.
I think it adds a level of stability to the life of a boy, having a good role model. It's in this area I feel like I have had to do the most work in terms of defining what, "arriving" looks like for me. Every situation in life comes complete with benefits and detractors. Given a choice, I would not change my personal story or the hardships I've had to mature through. I think it's forced me to develop much character early on, and having been through the rough spots, I think I am more proud of myself than my father ever could be.
Of course, through my life, I have had many, many, strong role models and father figures who have stepped in and out at different times to mentor me. Their contributions to my life have been invaluable, they know who they are and I think of them often. While a surrogate can never really replace the real deal, I have been taught so much and received so much validation from these men and I am confident I would not be the man I am today without their input.
The question being, spending my formative years without an adequate framework for what a loving father looks like, do I feel a sense of trepidation about being a dad to another little human being? I think I would be worried if I didn't feel at least a little anxiety, which is present. But overall, for all the bitterness, the loneliness, and the hard times, I feel that being a caring, playful, loving, hardworking, and supportive father is the greatest revenge I could ever take on the negativity I experienced. I am confident and excited to do it right, I am excited to show the young child in me how it could have been, and I am excited to be my own benchmark and to have the satisfaction of knowing that my children will never experience some of the challenges I have had to navigate. Indeed, I am very much looking forward to being a dad.
I often get asked if I am scared about becoming a father. I suppose that's quite a natural response for young men, (and of course young ladies) when preparing for your first child. I am sure of a few things, my excitement, for one. I am sure of my sense of hope and wonder. I feel almost filled with a renewed sense of purpose for my family and our dreams. All good things. In one sense, I feel that raising my own child will be a bit of a healing process for me. Like many young men, I didn't have the best relationship with my father growing up.
To be fair, there wasn't much relationship to speak of at all. My parents got divorced when I was about five years old. I really haven't seen my father since. Due to a lot of events going on in the life of my family at that time, my parents went their separate ways and I was raised entirely by my mother and two older sisters. I have but just a few memories of him from the perspective of a boy no taller than a dining room table.
As an adult, and being aware of the man that I am, I certainly realize the blessings we can be handed in the middle of negative spaces. I know now, that my development has been a unique one. I have always felt the need to wade into the fray, and get my hands dirty, and bite off more than I can chew to learn life's lessons. My individualism has driven me to get in over my head, run with the wrong crowds, and date the wrong women on a number of occasions, and I am frankly thankful for the lack of safety net that a father can so lovingly provide. But that is just me. I imagine it's not a boone to a all men.
At times I think the thing I miss the most, (miss in this context being a bit of a misnomer, it is difficult to miss something you have not experienced) about not having a father is having a benchmark. You try with all your might to, "be just like dad" and a day comes when you can finally wrestle him to the ground. When you start being self-sufficient and applying all the things he has attempted to pass on. When your career takes off and you surpass him in higher ed. And regardless of how low or lofty the benchmark he sets, it's your standard, set naturally, by your father, and once you've surpassed him, you feel like you've arrived.
I think it adds a level of stability to the life of a boy, having a good role model. It's in this area I feel like I have had to do the most work in terms of defining what, "arriving" looks like for me. Every situation in life comes complete with benefits and detractors. Given a choice, I would not change my personal story or the hardships I've had to mature through. I think it's forced me to develop much character early on, and having been through the rough spots, I think I am more proud of myself than my father ever could be.
Of course, through my life, I have had many, many, strong role models and father figures who have stepped in and out at different times to mentor me. Their contributions to my life have been invaluable, they know who they are and I think of them often. While a surrogate can never really replace the real deal, I have been taught so much and received so much validation from these men and I am confident I would not be the man I am today without their input.
The question being, spending my formative years without an adequate framework for what a loving father looks like, do I feel a sense of trepidation about being a dad to another little human being? I think I would be worried if I didn't feel at least a little anxiety, which is present. But overall, for all the bitterness, the loneliness, and the hard times, I feel that being a caring, playful, loving, hardworking, and supportive father is the greatest revenge I could ever take on the negativity I experienced. I am confident and excited to do it right, I am excited to show the young child in me how it could have been, and I am excited to be my own benchmark and to have the satisfaction of knowing that my children will never experience some of the challenges I have had to navigate. Indeed, I am very much looking forward to being a dad.
Sunday, August 19, 2012
Just as love is an action, and not a feeling. So too with morality.
I think it is pretty widely accepted
these days that falling in love is not the same as actually being in
love. Still further, being in love is not the same as being loving.
There is a very real difference between feelings of love, which
psychologists with an air of sterility call, “collapsing ego
boundaries”, and real love, which is the act of extending oneself
for the growth or benefit of another. Many lovers, know how to
cathect, how to covet, and how to desire the object of their
affection, but they often fall short when it comes to putting the
needs of their significant other above their own or even better,
seeking harmonious solutions that are mutually beneficial.
I could talk a lot about this
distinction. There is definitely a spectrum upon which we might find
ourselves. Do we sacrifice our own needs far too much in our
relationships? Do we have a healthy level of selfishness? Do we
constantly find ourselves feeling taken advantage of, and needy for
reciprocation? On the other end of the spectrum, are we disconnected
from the needs of those with whom we are in relationship? Do we lack
compassion or awareness of the emotional moods of those around us? As
in all things, I would encourage balance. Awareness of the needs of
others and awareness of our own needs are far from mutually exclusive
skills.
As any mature lover has to learn before
too long, love is work. It takes work to keep communication
cooperative as opposed to accusatory. It takes effort and
self-awareness to be genuine and vulnerable and trusting. It takes
patience and commitment to deal with each others' flaws,
imperfections, and weaknesses day after day after day. In the end,
love is a process that grows us. It expands our capacity for
compassion, empathy, kindness, and thoughtfulness. It also enriches
our inner world. It is a worthwhile process. But be under no
illusion, first and foremost, it is work.
My point is that there is a large
difference between feeling loving and committing acts of love. I
would like to transition now and apply this distinction to the
exciting, anything goes world of morality.
To offer some definition, because I
know many of us have different concepts of what the word morality
entails, I mean the following. Morality is the basis for which we
judge ourselves and the world at large . Morality is personal, and I
believe it informs our sense of “right” behavior. There are three
brief topics I want to touch on under this heading, now that we have
an idea of what I mean by morals, and how we can focus on being moral
people as opposed to being ineffectual altruists.
First. A heart, sick for the plight of
the homeless is better served by volunteerism than by political
ranting. I don't think that at any time in history the poor have been
used so extensively as a tool for political division. Oh, you care
about the poor? That's refreshing, no one else does. All manner of
statistics and studies are used today to prove an overwhelming
disparity between the haves and have nots. There is a reality to
this. There have always been class systems in society. The poor have
always been with us. At this time in our national debate we are
trying to determine what the best strategy would be to help
those who are in genuine need. While this debate rages on, I have a
suggestion.
You help the poor. I know many people
who volunteer for food banks, and help out at the union gospel
mission in Salem. I know people who donate time and goods to shelters
that help provide baby clothes and formula to new mothers. What an
awesome and practical approach to a real problem. I'm tired of the
moral high ground arguments. I'm tired of the judgmental
grandstanding. If you have a bleeding heart for the poorest among us,
then try to be a part of a real solution instead of waiting for an
obviously defunct and corrupt government system to force others to do
it for you.
Next. Success is not immoral. Success
is subjective. Success for one man may be to build a billion dollar
software company. For another man, his idea of success could very
legitimately be a safe and non-abusive upbringing for his children
with enough time to play local guitar gigs on the side. Our ideas of
success our wildly different and that's good. But using your
abhorrence for wealth and riches as an excuse to never pursue your
natural giftings, talents, and ambitions is self limiting nonsense.
Finally. Money is not evil, it is a
tool. Money can't buy happiness. But money can buy options. Money can
buy security. Money can buy free time. Money can buy toys and
entertainment. Last time I checked, options, security, free time, and
entertainment, while not necessarily happiness, could most certainly
be considered the aliquant thereof. It is not evil or immoral to want
more free time or security. Just like an athletes ability lies in his muscles, money is
your ability to shape the world around you more closely to your
liking. Including, the state of the less fortunate in your life.
I don't mean to insinuate that becoming
wealthy or highly successful in any field is an easy task. Far from
it. But there are many hurdles and roadblocks on the way and the
above is just two of the most common that I see a lot. Like, a lot, a
lot. For many reasons that I don't want to get into in this already
lengthy post, I am convinced that we are taught almost relentlessly
that being happy and successful is somehow an undesirable state. I
don't get it, but I don't think its somehow moral to sell yourself
short.
So, as a summation of this dense and
rich post:
- Real love is characterized by extending yourself for the growth and edification of yourself or another. A healthy balance should be struck between these two. Feelings of desire are not the same as being loving.
- Instead of investing yourself in the political diatribe about poverty, start being apart of the solution now. Help out in whatever way makes you feel good. It's ok to get emotional rewards from your good works, but let your works be tangible and deliberate. We'll start making a better world before you know it.
- Success is nothing more than a definition. It's personal, and therefore different from one person to the next. Be willing to be honest about how ever large or small your ambitions are and give yourself permission to start taking tangible steps towards that end.
- Money is just a tool that helps us acquire many intangible benefits like more free time and personal security. Preaching this as evil or trying to tell yourself that these are not good ends in and of themselves is almost akin to lying to oneself. We all want more of the things money can buy. So try to change your perspective on it and try to relate to it in a healthier way.
Thank you very much for investing your
time in reading this article. I do primarily write what is interesting to me or what has been on my mind all week. Everything I've talked about here are distinctions that I have found very helpful in striving to be more balanced and fulfilled. I hope you find some of these thoughts helpful or at the very least
interesting. Have a wonderful week.
Sunday, August 12, 2012
Why 110% is never enough to succeed.
This is a phrase I hate. To be honest
I've never liked it. Probably, because I am a realist and as cute and
motivating as it may sound, everything has a max capacity and 100% is
a tidy definition of that capacity. By definition, you cannot exceed
a things maximum capacity, at least not without catastrophic results.
I have a finite amount of energy, talent, resolve, and focus. Asking
me to give a project 110% is like asking me to square a circle or at
the very least, create catastrophic internal results.
If you think that I am just being
pedantic and splitting hairs, let me get to my point. Aside from
carelessly throwing such a useful definition as, “maximum capacity”
to be sacrificed on the altar of desire for exaggerated and illusory
results, I think it is dead wrong. This is simply my opinion and that
is always what you will get in this forum, my bias, but I think a
healthier way is the following.
Never, ever, ever, give any one task
more than 80% of your attention, energy, or focus. To do otherwise is
imbalance, it provides diminishing returns on your effort, it is not
as effective, and frankly not very much fun. Don't get me wrong, I'm
not recommending that surgeons try to be less focused or less
attentive to their work while slicing out a tumor. I am recommending
that everyone strive to be more “optimally” engaged in their
tasks.
I think any standard we set for
ourselves that is out of sync with reality is unhealthy. Whether or
not the intent of of the phrase110% is understood, it's still
disconnected from our actual abilities and can create unnecessary
stress, false expectations, and an overall sense of being cattle.
What are we a pack mule? Humans are not so simple, our worth is
determined not by our outputs, (the tangible things we accomplish in
the external world) but by the internal state of our souls.
Consistent and repeatable external success will always flow out of an internal state of well being and balance.
How would it feel, if you were to
develop a sense of when you were at your emotional or mental 80%?
Just like your muscles can tell when you have been on the treadmill
long enough or you have done enough dumbbell repetitions to get a
satisfactory workout. Any more would lead to excessive muscle
tearing, and longer recovery time. How is your mind any different?
Try to become aware of the point when you have dealt with that
difficult family member long enough for this week. Try to realize
when you have set your sights too high at your job so that the
overall quality of your work or home life suffers.
This also deals with perfectionism.
Remember what our goals our, we are after success, not perfection. I
have found that a project 80% complete is usually more than enough to
succeed. Anymore and you are getting diminishing returns on your
effort. I am in training for 65%. How effective can I be with my
energies that my overall life is balanced, my goals are being met or
exceeded, I have more fun, and I am less stressed? Find where your
limit is and remember that what we are really after are feelings of
contentment, accomplishment, and well being.
You only have 100% to work with. Harmony with your natural limits is the quickest and healthiest way to achieving your goals. Learn to be obstinate about your need to rest and reward yourself. Read a book, drink some coffee, play with your pets, or work in your garden. The illusory 30% be damned.
You only have 100% to work with. Harmony with your natural limits is the quickest and healthiest way to achieving your goals. Learn to be obstinate about your need to rest and reward yourself. Read a book, drink some coffee, play with your pets, or work in your garden. The illusory 30% be damned.
Sunday, August 5, 2012
Epigram: The modern day Christian looks out at the world from gilded bars of his own design and perceives everything else as in bondage.
The goal and tone of this brief
article is to be focused on the internal world of the religious man.
People wonder why on earth I find politics interesting. How can I
tolerate so many conflicting opinions, the nastiness, and
one-ups-man-ship. “I was raised in church”, I respond with the
cool air of a grizzled Vietnam veteran.
Obviously, not all churches are nasty
and not all religion is toxic. Faith, can have a great positive
influence on the lives of individuals, families, and communities.
Everything they say about it is true. It's redeeming, it's life
changing, it's fulfilling, but is it freeing? One better, do we
believe that liberty is even a valid criteria for religion?
I know from secular study that the
rarest and most gratifying state of a man (or woman) is one of
volition, autonomy, and personal power. One would be extremely hard
pressed to make the case that, historically speaking, religion has
been a champion of this desired state.
Even though we have the spotty track
record of oppression and, not to use too harsh a word, genocide that
has been a by product of religious institutions of the past. I wonder
if the original intent of Christianity was to set the oppressed free
from the oppressors. Was the original intent of Jesus to upset the
oppressive and religious institutions of his day or was it to simply
replace it with one that he liked better and that just happened to be
far more subjective?
I think the subjectivity of our modern
Christian “laws” is it's most damnable characteristic. In the
80's it was makeup and jewelry for women, in the 90's it was rock
music with too many beats-per-minute, in the new century it was Harry
Potter books, and yet all of these things have been by and large
accepted, and assimilated into our “safe list” even though the
hew and cry and authority of scripture was touted from every pulpit.
Are we willing to admit that we simply don't know what rules to
enforce on ourselves and others and that scares us?
The end result is the modern
Christian, dutifully crafting cages for himself with whatever he can
find to make both his faith and prison tangible. The internal guilt
burden that many religious people heap on themselves is a pitiful
practice. The Son of God was manifest as a man, sacrificed for
iniquity, and has empowered us with his spirit. Priority one seems to
be repeating the shadow of bondage, only to a lesser extent in our
personal lives and relationships just as thousands of years of
corrupt institutions have taught us to do. I can't help but think
that when we debate the importance of the Torah, or New Covenant vs.
Old or any clever mix in between, we are acting in antipathy to the
very spirit of God who designed us to thrive under conditions of
volition, autonomy, personal power, and mental well being.
Epigram: A solution to the wrong problem is no solution at all.
Have you ever found yourself in this
situation? You're in a conflict at work. Maybe your boss is upset
with you or you have to deal with a passive aggressive co-worker. Maybe you are
dealing with some family drama, (that never happens, right) or you are having a long running disagreement with your spouse. The most obvious
solution? Time to rearrange the living room.
This is a chronic behavior of mine.
When a situation, usually relational, has become cluttered with lots
of emotional variables, I remove it from my list of concerns. After a
short lapse of time, I become manic with the need to fix a problem.
Any problem. Let's solve world hunger, prove Jesus is the Messiah,
organize my file cabinet and rearrange the living room furniture. The
problem is no longer the problem, or never was to begin with.
This cuts to the core of my, (our)
need for control in our lives. It's not that the situation is too
confusing, or that I don't have a grasp on the emotions in play, or
even that I don't know how to most positively respond, (I usually
do). It's often because, I’ve found myself in a scenario that I
have very little influence upon yet the situation affects me greatly. Whether I
like it or not, I get to experience the foul moods of others, the
simplistic cycles of drama, and the obstinacy of conflict. At this point, the
psychological need to fix something, to establish feelings of control
and influence on my environment become paramount.
This is not a negative thing per se.
Like most of our emotional states, it's an indicator of a deeper
issue. The original situation may still be well outside your sphere
of control, but recognizing the real problem is far more important
than a thousand solutions to the wrong one. Regardless of what things
you are driven to accomplish during this cycle, you will inevitably
end up feeling even more helpless than when you started as the list
of fixes has done nothing to assuage your core feelings of
uneasiness.
Recognize what's really bothering you,
ask yourself how you really feel about it, and journal about it if you have to. Make sure your influence
on the situation is a positive one, pour yourself a cup of coffee, and
get on with your day.
Seriously though, your living room
hasn't even been dusted for 6 months. Shuffling the couches around is
not the worst thing that could happen.
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